One Liner Jokes of The DayPosted: September 22, 2011
Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.
Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.
Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
When I was young, I just wanted a BMW. Now that I’m older, I don’t need the W.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.
When I want your opinion, I’ll remove the duct tape.
Don’t be a sexist, broads hate that.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.