New One Liner Jokes

Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

He’s a graduate of The Uncle Fester and Keith Moon School of hair styling.

Did you hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!

An unemployed court jester is no one’s fool.

Chastity is curable, if detected early.

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.

Do not put statements in the negative form.

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

Losing a husband can be hard: in my case it was almost impossible.

The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

Ham and Eggs – A day’s work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.

The trouble with life is there’s no background music.

I was only looking at your nametag, honest!

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Smokers are just like everybody else. Just not as long.

Everybody repeat after me: “We are all individuals.”