Short Jokes

A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy & a girl sitting at the top of the roof & kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married.
Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?

I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she’s interested in, she said: Check books.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.

I’ve never smoked marijuana in my life, because I get really sleepy afterward.

What’s the diff between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.

If my main parachute doesn’t open and my reserve parachute doesn’t open, how long till i hit the ground?
The rest of your life…

Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife saying that I’d be home that night; and when I got into my room I found my
wife in another man’s arms. Why, dad? Tell me why!”
Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, “Maybe, son, she didn’t get the fax.”

Q:What’s the difference between a computer salesman and a used-car salesman?
A:The used-car salesman KNOWS when he’s lying.

What do you call a old snowman?
Water.

What is the best organized thing in our world?
Crime.

: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?

A: There is a stamp on it.

A husband was asked: Do u talk to wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone

One evening, a wife drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door and said, “Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don’t you do that?”

“I would love to.” Replied the husband. “But I don’t know her well enough.”

Why’d they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!

I heard you took an IQ test and they said you’re results were negative.

Man falls in luv with a nurse… After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: “I luv u sister.”

How many letters in the Alphabet? 19, cuz ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him.

Don’t feel sad…don’t feel blue…Frankenstein was ugly too…

U got Sex Appeal…U got Class…U got Moves…U got da Face, da Body….sh*t…I got wrong number…SORRY 🙂

Why dogs don’t marry?
Because they are already leading a dog’s life!

I need a kiss, I need touched, I need your love, I need warmth, I need hugs, I need sex, I need YOU!

On the cellphone pad of life, always keep one finger on the disconnect key.

‘You looked troubled,’ a person told to his mate, “what’s your problem?” He replied,
‘well, I am gonna to be a Dad.’
‘But that is great,
The man said. “No t is not? Because my wife doesn’t know about it yet.”

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.

My wife thinks “freedom of the press” means no-iron clothes.

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